Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
