I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
