Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
