Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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