i think my mom watched the whole time
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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