well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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