My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
