i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
