I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
