I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
