I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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