I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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