he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
