PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
