On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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