my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
