Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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