separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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