I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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