i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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