tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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