her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
