he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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