as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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