Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
