Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
