so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
