Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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