ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well I just put wine in my tea
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
