As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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