YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
