I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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