Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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