Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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