Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
