Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
