the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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