So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
