She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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