capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
