i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
