There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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