the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
