i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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