i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
