I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Alive.
So much puke
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
