do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
