If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
