hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
