I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
